This morning, while K is watching a cartoon.
K: Mom, move over. I can’t see the TV.
(I say: Oh, so sorry that my cleaning, cooking, chauffeuring, and other various and sundry Mom duties have taken precious seconds away from your television time. My bad. I’ll know better for next time.
K hears: ………………………………… Television…………)
TWO MINUTES LATER
K: Mom, I need a tissue (the box of tissues sits immediately to her left)
Me: Then get a tissue.
K: I can’t. (She stares at the TV as her
mine cart finger begins its slow ascent towards gold her nose.)
Me: K, I have seen you extend BOTH of your arms in the past. Occasionally at the same time. Therefore, I’m absolutely positive that you can work but one of those pretty arms, right now, in order to get yourself a tissue.
K: I can’t (her finger is now dangerously close to her booger bearer)
Me: They’re right there.
K: I can’t get it. (Finger now beginning proboscis probe)
Me: Fine. Here. (I hand her a tissue just before the nudging of nose nuggets begins in earnest.)
ONE MINUTE LATER
K: Mom, here. (holds out her hand with nasty used tissue in it.)
Me: Throw it away, please. And wash your hands.
K: J, here (extends previously unusable arm, holding nasty used tissue, to her brother.)
Me: No, K. Your tissue has germs all over it. When we use a tissue, we throw it in the garbage ourselves.
K: (puts nasty used tissue in her lap) Ok, I did.
Me: No you didn’t, it’s still sitting in your lap.
K: No, I threw it away. (tissue still sitting in her lap)
Either my child’s lying proficiency is way below benchmark, or she really thinks the cheese has slid off my cracker.
I don’t know which is worse.