You’re great, really. It’s nice to be able to communicate with those people I care about who’ve moved far away. It’s nice to be no longer obligated to see people in real life, yet still be considered a friend by emoticon. It’s nice to be able to keep up with people I don’t necessarily care to make an effort to see in my daily life without having to make an effort to see them in my daily life. You have given me so much, and I am grateful, but someone GOTS to do something about the selfies.
They’re everywhere and they have to stop clogging up my damn newsfeed.
First off, let’s talk about this:
The duckface, I think quite legitimately, should have gone away several years ago when everyone in the whole world rose up as one and realized how ridiculous they looked. And yet…
Isn’t the point of putting a picture of yourself up on social media so that others can see your face? See how you look? How am I supposed to recognize anyone with all this garbage going on?
Where did her head go? And why go to all the trouble to photoshop the shit out of that selfie if you’re going incognito anyhow? Oh well, at least she got the pose right.
I must have missed the day in school when they take all the girls aside to show them how to do the “look skinny in a selfie” or “low self-esteem” pose. Is it like the day that the boys and girls get split up to discuss puberty? I wouldn’t know, but every single woman these days (except for me) understands that in order to be photographed, one must turn away from the camera, put one hand on your hip, stick out your ass and bend one knee. Duckface and surprised eyebrows optional.
There are rules for multiples as well.
And it’s not just millennials anymore.
I had to defriend a woman I know who kept posting these adorable pics. Guess who’s never going to be President? That lady. Look – even her kid knows. Best get a scholarship, little dude.
The biggest problem, Facebook, is the double standard. Men do not abase themselves this way. Well, sometimes they do, but whenever that happens the man council intervenes and labels said man “douchebag”, thus ending any credible online presence he may have ever had or will ever have again.