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K has developed a superpower. She is:

NAKED GIRL

Disrobing faster than a speeding bullet, able to perform the most advanced naked couch yoga, and immune to even the coldest, nipple hardening, draft.

In this episode of Naked Girl, our hero tries to convince The Evil Momster to let her go to preschool bare assed. We join our hero as she sits at the breakfast table… Eating breakfast. The Evil Momster turns

whoosh!

and walks five steps to the sink. When the Evil Momster turns back, Naked Girl is wearing nothing but a smile. And so the battle begins:

Naked Girl: Mom, my pants are wet.

The Evil Momster: You’re not wearing any pants.

Naked Girl: Oh.

POW!

The Evil Momster re-dresses Naked Girl. Naked Girl may have lost this battle, but our hero has many tricks up her… Well, wherever she keeps them.

Our hero creeps silently from the Evil Momsters sight, and

Seriously, she must wear tear-off clothes, like that policeman stripper-gram I got (we won't get into that) in order to get her clothes off so fast. It was

Seriously, she must wear tear-off clothes like a stripper-gram because it could not have been more than 10 seconds before she was naked again.

Our hero is naked again, this time fleeing the scene, the unrestrained glee of streaking making her so fast that she is no more than a blur of tiny butt cheeks. At the naked yoga couch, The Evil Momster catches up to her. Naked Girl tries valiantly to intercept The Evil Momster even before the impending battle begins:

Naked girl: I don’t have to wear pants.

The Evil Momster: I’m pretty sure you do.

Naked Girl: (FLASH of toddler brilliance) No, Miss Jenna said.

The Evil Momster: Your preschool teacher told you that it was okay to come to school with no pants?

Naked Girl: (Triumphantly) Yes.

BLAM!

Our Hero thinks she has won the war, The Evil Momster must certainly yield to the rules of the most beloved and almighty preschool teacher, mustn’t she?

KABOOM!

No, The Evil Momster seems to have some lie detecting sensory perception and knows, somehow, that Naked Girl had never actually had this conversation with the beloved and beautiful Miss Jenna.

The Evil Momster: Has Miss Jenna ever come to school without pants?

She thought long and hard about this one, wracking her toddler brain for an instance of her idol coming in to work in the altogether.

She thought long and hard about this one, racking her toddler brain for an instance of her idol coming to work in the altogether.

Naked Girl: no.

The Evil Momster re-dresses and restrains Naked Girl in some sort of transportation device.
You may have won this round, Evil Momster, but Naked Girl will be back!

Stay tuned for the next episode of Naked Girl, when you’ll see our hero find out how cold it is outside with no clothes on.

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