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It’s 6:30 am. I have just woken my son for school. J runs out of his room and says excitedly:

J: “Hey Mom, look at my penis. It’s sticking out like a pencil.”

Ah Jesus. I can’t think of any conversation I’d less like to have at 6:30 in the morning, or ever, for that matter. I turn my head… Nooooo…. And there it is. His little pajama pants are all tented out like a horrible… pencil. He’s right. Ah, Jesus.

Me: ย “Okay, J. Ummm, it’s okay, this is normal, don’t worry, it’s okay, (did I already say that?) this happens to all boys. See… while you were asleep last night, all your blood”

J interrupts:

J: “I know all that already Mom, Daddy told me. I just wanted to show it to you. See? It’s cool. It’s like a sword.”

He makes a sound like a light saber and runs back into his room to get dressed.

Me: (I say nothing, because at this point all MY blood has drained from my brain, and I have passed out on my kitchen floor.)

I don’t know how you all live with those things.