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My child is a bad liar.

That’s a package addressed to Mommy.

We join this story just as a putrid smell begins to fill my nostrils…

Me: K, you’re riding kind of low there, did you poop?
K: No.
Me: Are you sure? I think we should change your diaper.
K: NO! NO POOPIE! (her head spins, flames shoot from her nostrils and her hair turns into snakes)
Me: (backing away slowly) Okay, you let me know.

(5 minutes and one entire can of febreeze later)

K: I poopie. K poopie mmmess. I mmmmmmess.
Me: Should we change your diaper?
K: Yes

Never interrupt a good dump.