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Grammar school’s different from when I went there
I’d heard that,
but never had reason to care.
But this year,
my kid will be there,
So I’m suddenly interested in what goes on where.

For example, they’ve mailed me quite a long list,
Of you must buy thats and you must buy thises,
And should I not buy each item they wishes?
They’ll kick my kid out,
to the curb,
like old fishes.

So what should I buy for my kids coming year?
Why, all that one needs to get on with his peers,
A snippety snip,
and a translucent deed,
Which is something that everyone, EVERYONE needs.

A back bender over,
to squishen his back,
And 200 books to pile inside that,
so his back is squishened
right on track.

He also must have some note keepers for notes,
But sadly for us
-and for our goats-
(for goats, you see, quite like to eat notes)
all keepers must file into one single keeper,
so the list must contain
one note keeper keeper.

You also must have, to go to school right,
An instrument called a fine tip gripe. And he must have many,
many of these things,
though even if you set each one on a ring,
you’ll lose them all quickly,
perhaps by tomorrow,
and then you’ll simply have to borrow.

The next on my itemized items list,
Is one super-futuro-bully’s fist.
To call my kid a wang doodle, or rotten vermiscious canooter,
All from the safety
of his his at-homeaputer.

Next we must have a
homework list maker,
In the appropriate size, and faker,
Oh, did I say faker?
That couldn’t be right,
my child simply has no homework tonight.

And just when you think
you got it all right,
Your kid will come home,
and start a grand fight,
Cause the guy on his back bender overs not right,
his note keeper keepers not the right color, he needs a chunky gripe this year, not fine, and you just want to get in the fucking car and drive away, because all this shit is making you want to put a fucking bullet in your head, and can’t your father talk to you about this? Mommy has a migraine.