There’s a warning at the beginning of the old school Sesame Street shows I bought my son that says “this content is intended for adult viewing, and may not be suitable for today’s preschoolers”.

Well fuck you very much. I grew up on those shows, and I’m not too terribly damaged. Plus, have you seen Sesame Street lately?

Here is why the street I grew up with is better than the shit they’re mass producing now, bullet pointed, in numerical order from most enraging to least. Ahem.

1. Few, if any, sketches. No more ladybug picnic, no more pinball machine, elephant bathing, its all fucking Elmo and fucking Zoe , and the nameless rabble of other muppets waiting for their 15 minutes. And, speaking of 15 minutes, everything is in 15 minute increments. You know, for the ADHD set.

2. There are no people in it, no kids, only the rare drive by from Gordon or Maria. It’s all cheap ass monsters.

3. They cleaned the place up. Sesame Street is supposed to look like the neighborhoods that kids were really growing up in. Now it looks like fucking 70th and park.

4. Cookie Monster eats fruits and vegetables. Now, this by itself, is not a problem for me. However, I was under the assumption that cookie is an obligate cookievore, and therefore any food other than cookies (now relegated to “sometimes food”) would be a detriment to his constitution.

5. Fucking Abby Kadaby and her fucking flying fairy school.
That is all I have to say about that, the name infers its own lamenocity.

If you haven’t seen it lately, take a look at the recent street. I’m sure you’ll feel the horror just as I did, at the rape of a sacred part of my childhood.

And they tell me to beware the old streets. Bah!