This morning I sent J outside to play with his pretend fire extinguisher.
It was full of water.
I said to him:
Don’t spray the water on the entrance to the house or the walk, for it will freeze, and become ice. Please spray it on the grass.
Out he went. Five minutes later I went to check on him. He was standing right in front of the door, squirting water all over the deck.
Me: Didn’t I just ask you not to spray water here?
Me: So why are you spraying water here?
J: Because I wanted to. (Well, you’re going to want to fall on your ass when it freezes, and you can bet your swollen ass I’m sending you out first).
Me: Well, I think maybe now you should want to go play out on the grass.
I watched him go.
Five minutes later I walked out to check on him, and he was standing on the stairs squirting water everywhere.
Me: J, it looks like you’re still squirting water where we walk.
Me: Is that where you should be?
Me: Take two steps down and three to the right. Then squirt.
Five minutes later, I found him squirting his seemingly inexhaustible supply of fire extinguisher water on the deck.
I made him come inside.
He asked me why.
Because Mommy is having nervous breakdown, that’s why.