This morning I sent J outside to play with his pretend fire extinguisher.
It was full of water.
I said to him:
Don’t spray the water on the entrance to the house or the walk, for it will freeze, and become ice. Please spray it on the grass.
J: Okay.

Out he went. Five minutes later I went to check on him. He was standing right in front of the door, squirting water all over the deck.

Me: Didn’t I just ask you not to spray water here?
J: Yes.
Me: So why are you spraying water here?
J: Because I wanted to. (Well, you’re going to want to fall on your ass when it freezes, and you can bet your swollen ass I’m sending you out first).
Me: Well, I think maybe now you should want to go play out on the grass.
J: Okay.

I watched him go.
Five minutes later I walked out to check on him, and he was standing on the stairs squirting water everywhere.

Me: J, it looks like you’re still squirting water where we walk.
J: Yes.
Me: Is that where you should be?
J: No.
Me: Take two steps down and three to the right. Then squirt.
J: Okay.

Five minutes later, I found him squirting his seemingly inexhaustible supply of fire extinguisher water on the deck.
I made him come inside.

He asked me why.


Because Mommy is having nervous breakdown, that’s why.